’99 Problems, But Pitch Ain’t One’: Part I

Before even starting this, I feel like this I’ve set myself a pretty hard task here…

In my room at home, I have one of my favourite postcards pinned up: ‘I’ve got 99 problems but a beach ain’t one’. It’s reminds me of my trip with Mum to Brighton last year and I do love a good pun! I assume most of us are familiar with the song, probably from inappropriate school discos from the 90s! So I thought why not do a theatre edition.

Why not…?

I figured I’d spread these out across 9 weekly installments, because thinking of 11 let alone 99 this morning was challenging enough!


1) Belting out your best Elpheba, but only when you’re sure your neighbours are out.

2) ‘IS EVER GONNA BRING ME DOOOOOOOOOO-‘ *Doorbell* Because, yes, while your neighbours are out, that doesn’t stop people coming to your door. Who can hear you.

3) But it’s not like you’re not used to performing before an audience anyway…

Source: Virginia Chance

4) Being a theatre fan in the West End and praying for US shows to transfer

5) Being a theatre fan in the US and praying for West End shows to transfer

6) When ‘Bottoms Gonna Be on Top’ comes on your morning playlist and resisting the urge to tap dance at the train station.

Source: F*** Yeah Something Rotten

7) And ‘Anything Goes’.

8) Basically any big tap number!

9) Trying to convince friends to come to very odd sounding shows with you. ‘What’s it about?’ ‘Okay, bear with me: it’s a show about the founding fathers of America told in rap…where are you going?!’

Source: Hamilton Gifs

10) Ending up going by yourself and playing the ever awkward pretend to-look-at-my-phone game. Or pretending to take a call. Or looking around expectantly. Basically anything to look like you didn’t come alone!

11) Actually starting to like going to a show by yourself, to the point where it’s looking a bit antisocial! Not worrying if someone won’t make it on time, being able to book whatever seats you ‘want! *Independent Woman’ plays in background*


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