10 Tony Commandments…

It’s less than a week until the Tonys and preparations are well underway, whether it’s performers rehearsing their songs, nominees rehearsing gracious (and not so gracious) loss faces, or James Corden figuring out how to get to the venue…

Aka, my new favourite thing.

But the real question is: how should you prepare for the Tonys? Well no need to fear, here is my guide on how to prepare on the big day. And what better way, than in song. Specifically rap. Even more specifically, Hamilton. So here are my Ten Tony Commandments for having an amazing Tony day.

It’s the Ten Tony Commandments,

It’s the Ten Tony Commandments,


Number 1:

The challenge: time to take action,

Lock yourself away, no fear of a distraction.


Number 2:

Broadway friend? Grab your mate, that’s your second,

Your lieutenant, and as much of a Tony pedant.


Number 3:

Have your second come to your place,

Negotiate a piece of the couch each, that’s your home base.

This is common place and helps avoid disputes,

No cahoots rise if your friend computes.


Number 4: 

If they don’t bring some snacks, that’s alright,

Time to get some pizza and an iPod on site.

Sort playlist in advance, avoid any hostility:

What songs to binge and which to bin, just by desirability.



Chill before you see the clock strike five,

Pick a film to watch, time is almost nigh…



Source: Genius

Number 6:

Leave a note, tomorrow, you ain’t goin’ in.

Hear the bell ring, pray your mate goes to bring the pizza in.



Pick out your wins, ready for the moment of adrenaline: hope the ones that win are ones you’ve chosen.


Number 8: 

Your last chance to negotiate.

Convince your second, get them on your side before it’s eight…


Them: I’m Alexander.

You: More, like Burr, sir.

Them: Can we agree these fights are dumb and immature?

You: Sure. But admit: Hamilton has this in the bag, duh?

Them: Win sixteen? We both know that’s absurd, sir?

You: Hang on, how many did The Producers win that time, or am I being remiss?

Them: Okay, so we’re doing this.


Number 9: 

Turn the TV on, volume higher,

No toilet breaks, she-wee’s all you require!


Then count:

One, two, three, four, five six, seven, eight, nine…

Obey these ten and you won’t tire!


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